The Rampant Oppression of Children (with film recommendation of Kes)
Think this is some article about children being mistreated in some far-off land…not hardly. For in my opinion, some of the most oppressed grow up in the lands considered “prosperous” and “free.”
Few children escape the horrors of this so called civilized society with its false premises and demands inflicted upon children from the start…and without a loving (freedom based) family, where does a child turn but to one of either two paths: 1. Rebellion or 2. Acceptance. Most, choose number two and thus the pathetic sorry excuses of families we see, pathetic excuses of men and women, pathetic excuses of human beings…as for those who rebel – we find a combination of asocial and antisocial behaviors – which in the end suffer the rebel but also (and sometimes quite significantly) those who either directly or indirectly harmed said child. The anger and rage may be displaced toward those seemingly not a part of his life, but nonetheless, I view all who condone this sick society as responsible.
Each generation protects its own – thus no identification of the responsibility adults have to respect children is ever emphasized – since it’s a tacit understanding you never (except in the obviously physical examples of abuse) say one word about the way children are brought up. This rampant oppression is encouraged, considered “normal,” and thus few children are raised recognizing their individuality much less respecting that of others.
The beautiful individual each of us is can so easily be injured, stifled, destroyed at our tenderest ages…emotional disturbance, spiritual death, physical injuries, result from early assaults…and I do not consider those who choose to fit in and condone/cope with it healthy.
This includes those who consider themselves “good” families…with your insane expectations placed upon the young to live up to in many areas.
The Unsmiling Baby
I love seeing little children, but am saddened when I see those who appear to have unhappiness molding their personality/mind/heart. In stores when I am out shopping, it is sad to see babies and children who are obviously unhappy – the miserable home life they must be subject to becomes apparent on their habitually non-smiling faces. A baby and toddler should, at most times, be able to easily smile with bright eyes – seeing the opposite as a constant on their face is a warning sign of the adults around them subjecting them to their own unhappiness in all its forms – a child is perceptive and it is sad to see those whose young lives should be growing strong having their spirit seriously wounded already.
It will have a lasting detrimental effect upon them for years to come. Often the result of those “adults” who are still trying to “find themselves” by joining with another who is also relatively empty – the result a child born to parents who are confused/angry/unhappy – thinking a baby will make it better…pathetic and sad – for it is the child who will suffer from the deprivation of a loving happy home.Children adjust rapidly in feelings – to see one who seems dull, unable to be delighted with play, and reluctant to engage spiritedly – is a serious sign of neglect (often by seemingly “good” parents whose own unhappiness is shadowing their parenting). Neglect is not only relevant to physical needs, but to emotional and mental needs. Unhappy angry parents are unknowingly harming their children in ways that will last a lifetime. Happy children are examples for how to live as adults…unhappy children an example of sweet souls damaged by unhappy adults.
In oppressed children, sadness, depression, misery, and their often counterparts of anger, rage, and unhealthy actions for self are common. There’s no difference to me between what is considered minor bullying or severe abuse…it’s all severe in my view, and just about everyone is responsible for it in your support and defense of the coercive governments, the oppressive workplaces, and your own family expectations of its members. There is escape sometimes as we get older (often after much hardship and repercussions), though only a few may ever escape, but for a child…where is he to turn when the entire world he knows is oppressing him?
Bullying may and often does happen at every age in life – but how unnecessary and sad that such torment begins usually with the parents and family.
Expectations & Obligations
Many of you agreeing that children should not be bullied, are you yourselves bullying them with your expectations – ever stop to consider what makes the child happy is what the child should be experiencing – not your demands for achievement?
Whoever agrees with that stupid “productive member of society” nonsense is a bully to everyone who knows them. It’s one thing to nurture a child’s creativity and knowledge seeking for himself, quite another to make him feel he has to please you, his teachers, and future employers. A child need live up to only his own desires, and must do so, to become a joyous fulfilled individual. The imposition of exterior expectations and obligations is wrong.
Share who you are and what you believe versus telling them who they are and what they must be and believe and do.
All the duties you inflict upon your child are felt and rightfully rejected (if not resented) – from civic/religious/social/political – there is no spiritual legitimacy in your bringing up your child to feel beholden to anyone or anything…not your God or your country included – perhaps most especially included. No child is born with an obligation to anything – it is only those adults around them that instil this false premise which plagues them sometimes for the rest of their life. Wonder why there’s teen suicide – adult suicide – how many came as a result of growing up thinking one had to prove themselves and had failed.
Forcing them to attend church and adopt your beliefs, to participate in social activities you enjoy or think good for them, or to elevate some countries (nationalism) or belief systems above others – all assault your child’s mind and heart.
This subject also makes me think of all the adults I’ve met, perhaps single or divorced, whose parents still make sure they know that they are expecting grandchildren from them – what a low level of awareness to presume an adult child owes a parent a grandchild – utter insanity and another example of the expectations parents arrogantly think they can place upon their children. And such expectations are often communicated whilst they are still young children and certainly continued throughout their adult life as well.
And there’s similarly no more personal an area that the child’s avocations and ultimate choice of vocation – it, if you truly love your child, should please you knowing that what they have chosen is gratifying to them. Place no goals of career or social standing upon your child – whatever his age – let him live the way which satisfies his heart. Urging one to enter certain areas of career or art, be it even in noteworthy endeavors, is no longer your prerogative. You had only the right to do so with yourself. Your child’s choices of play and work are his alone – whatever his age.
As for anger toward your child – never justified – it is your problem as nothing he has done justifies your anger toward him. If there was ever a need for patience (though most situations do) it is with your child. If anything can keep you from losing it, think on the many times in life you wish others had been more understanding and forgiving of you rather than judging and punishing you…now think of you as a child when you were not so respected. Children make mistakes which need only be gently corrected…and if extremely serious in nature (violent for example), said child has already suffered overwhelming harm from those in whose care it was…the damage has been done and correction will ensue only when the child is free of those oppressing him.
Why would you think a child will respect you or others when they are not only disrespected by you (and likely most everybody else) but also see your habitual lack of respect for yourself?
If as a parent, single or married, you behave without respect for yourself then your children have no reason to respect anything you every share with them – regardless of whether it’s good advice/guidance or not. You earn such respect, not bully it. Bullying respect assumes your child must give it to you just because you contributed the sperm or egg that helped create them – and that’s not what respect is about at all…for real respect is overflowing toward those who love themselves and others.
The picture-perfect families seem to often conceal some of the worst situations for children – as they are more concerned with their image to friends/family/neighbors – than with the actual interactions and love (the lack thereof) amongst themselves. Children in such families realize the family image being maintained is more important than they are to their parents – and that clarity certainly influences them. An image means nothing, and they know it (unlike their parents who value image over substance).
One of the most damaging behaviors of a parent is arguing with one’s spouse. Think a baby or toddler aren’t disturbed by your fights – you’re inflicting some of the worst abuse on a child right there. It doesn’t need a physical force to destroy a child’s love of life. Those words of anger – even when directed at your spouse (not just at the child themselves) – are felt by your child.
Dispense with the completely false “staying together for the children.” If you aren’t happy you’re children will not be happy. That staying together of loveless partners has caused more heartache and long lasting effects on a child’s life and the adult he becomes than divorce. Divorce is sometimes the only thing which will save a child from becoming seriously disturbed, and don’t think your pretending and making it OK for the children is hiding a thing from them – they are far more perceptive and due the truth – not lies about you and your spouse. Respect their perception and intellect – don’t lie to them with your pretending to be a happy couple. If divorce becomes necessary, clearly evaluate the other parent’s ability to be a good parent or not when the child is with them, and fight valiantly in court to protect your child if need be (despite the sorry system, one can at least try to protect their child if one knows the other parent is unfit).
And as for the single parents:
Women – if you feel any sense of love for your child- stop spreading your legs for so many men. Meaningless relationships for you might not yet be of concern based on your values, but witnessing ones mother as a whore who cares more about her fun than nurturing her child screws up many a child. Now, I’m not advocating abstinence from relationship, but make it matter – for you – and for your child. Do not get involved with another just not to be “lonely.” No child needs various men in and out of their life while watching their mother prove what lack of confidence she has by always needing a man in her life. If it’s not a love-based, joyful, union – it is unhealthy for a child to view…and casual shallow relationships so you aren’t alone don’t qualify as love at all.
Men – same goes – if you feel any sense of love for your child – don’t be a dog-man, humping whatever you can. Why promiscuous women are condemned and called names and not promiscuous men is insane. Men and their prideful feeling they must prove their sexual prowess in meaningless relationships results in lots of danger for themselves (as it does for women) and certainly is a horrible example for a young son or daughter to be aware of their father. Again, if it’s not a love-based, joyful, union – it is unhealthy for a child to view…and casual shallow relationships so you aren’t alone don’t qualify as love at all.
A bad marriage or having several/numerous boyfriends or girlfriends is a sign of your lack of maturity…work on yourself (your individuality and independence from others) and try not to let your current weakness oppress your children. Your “need” for companionship which is less than loving will most certainly oppress your child’s heart and mind. You’re teaching them that personal relationships are a place to compromise and have ones that are far less than they can be.
Do not expect your child to respect you or believe you love them when you obviously show you have neither for yourself. You either value having meaningful relationships in your personal life or you do not…if you do not, expect your children not to have one with you either and not to value them necessarily in the rest of their lives. A great and powerful lesson can be learned about real love relationships when they are witnessed personally – let your child have the rare experience of seeing what a truly loving romantic relationship is…or at least do not teach them a false lesson which will lead to the same heartache you’ve experienced…help them become stronger and thus capable of giving and receiving love…not necessarily engaging in despair pseudo-love relationships when they mature because it’s all they knew.
Significantly, too, is the seemingly endless (12 years of it!) oppression most parents let their children be subjected to in schools. While some feel theirs is a wholesome enriched system, consider it carefully in view of the respect versus indoctrination your child may undergo there. Balance, whatever learning environment you choose for your child ,even if a government school, with your own education – some of the best learning occurs in life activities – not in a classroom. And never allow or validate oppression from school personnel against your child…if a curriculum is bad why would you encourage your child to study more when he is not to blame but the sorry teacher or “teaching” itself? Wherever your child is, he must be encouraged not suppressed in his questioning of everything – few adults will you agree with you on this – thus, choose carefully before submitting your child to any adult who may be oppressive, and always be prepared to support your child if you believe the adult(s) are wrong.
Rare is the adult who can tell me that their parent ever apologized to them.
But any good relationship, is at times, in need of expression of regret and remorse, as it prepares the way for no further commission of the mistake. How can any parent not have cause to express an apology to their child, and apologies, throughout life as they realize mistakes they’ve made? Only an arrogant, controlling, manipulative person would refuse to express such remorse. One who loves feels responsible for any wrongdoing, and will not hesitate to express an apology, followed by endeavor to do better.
Conventional wisdom and its platitudes result in the sick society and despair you see everywhere…so why raise your child with such oppressive banalities which serve only to deny the responsibility you have to give a child a solid background with which to face the insanities of the world as he grows…why not bless them rather than curse them? Give them what you may not have had – love.
Whether you’re a parent or grandparent or other adult involved in the life of a child of any age, correct your mistakes, and begin to nurture the individual they are. Even a now grandparent asking forgiveness of an adult child with children may just have an invaluable impact on how those grandchildren will now be raised by your adult child. An adult child with children of their own is often severely for the good or bad affected by his upbringing – it is never too late to love them…and perhaps help them to learn how to love their own children. And, remember, every adult is a just a child in a bigger body.
No matter his economic/sociopolitical situation, true prosperity and freedom is what every child deserves and can have…relinquish the need to control a child and give them the greatest gift you ever could – true love – the richest blessing of all.
Dispense with all the ‘conventional wisdom” and use true wisdom – the unconventional – with every child in your life. Make each child you’re blessed to know feel they are loved as only love is – unconditionally.
Kes – a film recommendation
Kes is a sad film…a Ken Loach classic and addresses reality as his films do. From 1969, it’s based on the 1968 novel by Barry Hines, though it is timeless, sadly because
the lives of children bullied by this “society” has changed not for the better.
The movie focuses on young and small Billy Casper as he daily battles with the harshness and evil of those who care nothing for him, but only themselves. It’s not his poverty which affects him so, but the poverty of heart those in his life have. From the deplorable family to the unjust demands and persecution of the school personnel and students to the ever-present demands of a societal workforce, young Billy is doing the best he can despite circumstances which are detrimental to every sense of his being.
The story, of his discovery, learning of, training of…and sharing of…a young kestrel is told in Kes…with the powerful story of suffering all too true for many a child worldwide.
I recommend this film – all ages and generations can benefit to a sobering recognition of what they themselves and others all around them may have or are experiencing right now.
Most of the abuse children suffer is not recognized. Only the physically obvious seems to be of any concern to most. Children are not recognized as the individuals they are, if they were, they would be permitted to escape their circumstances – not through insane government programs which may make situations even worse – but by having their decision-making abilities respected when they are of age to articulate it. I wish every child could choose where he lived, and that those with love to give could be permitted to give it – free of bureaucracy which serves nothing but the state. Why, for example, are not there privately-run safe houses for minors? ( A merely rhetorical question – the answer is obvious – it would not serve egotistical agendas of bad parents or others who crave control of others).
It is time the spirit was served.
At least the enlightened can implement healthy influences upon those who have entered their lives (with some of the enlightened so because of loving families, and some so because they reject the oppression they suffered).
The rebels reject the societal insanity of oppressing children…it is they who can teach and guide and help those of all ages victimized. It is they who are the voice of those who are bullied, it is they who possess the hope that a single child can be spared the oppression as they give voice and assistance to the truly victimized in this crazy world. It starts with you…for you…for your family…and for those brought into your life.
(Click HERE for all my film recommendations.)