Christine Smith’s Blog

The Mistake of Compromise

Compromise has become the way of life for the majority of people.  From support of political candidates, parties and politicos to such personal aspects of life as dating and evaluating potential marriage partners, many people accept compromise of the values and positions they otherwise espouse and desire if adherence to said values might mean having to reject an association which promises immediate advantage.  And, often, even that “promise” of happiness or achievement of some goal will never be realized due to the very nature of the compromise. 

When I see someone make a conscious choice to violate one of their fundamental important principles in life, I lose much respect for them.  Realizing what is right, yet choosing to compromise anyway, betrays oneself (and others in the process). It is something I view as a deep emotional weakness caused by a lack of or an underdeveloped spiritual basis for one’s life.  Rather than choosing to be courageous in faith, one opts to analyze with their mind (prone to doubts, rationalization and confusion) matters which should remain with their heart or conscious.  In matters of principle, the mind should be a tool to implement what is within the heart.

Choosing compromise, one sells themselves short, and in doing so will hurt others (including not only those they involve themselves with in such a relationship, but often unknowingly they even hurt others who care about them).

All my life I’ve endeavored to remain true to the things I chose to believe.  To have my actions match my words is an instrumental part of who I am.  Thus, when it comes to my spiritual beliefs (which affect every other choice in my life from personal to the political), I will not compromise.

Recently, I’ve had several associations with others in which devotion to standing by my values has resulted in disillusionment, some hurt, and certainly the pain of disappointment.  I tend to attribute (call it giving another the benefit of doubt) more values to another who is voicing the same values as my own in the beginning…but fortunately, I also know the important necessity of giving all new associations with others the time to find out who they really are. 

To even begin to entertain the idea that one can closely be involved with another who does not believe as you do in matters of strength of character (even if they are a relatively good person) sets one up for disappointment to say the least, if not heartache or hurt to the degree one begin to think it may be possible.

In giving all new friendships plenty of time and experience to learn more fully about one another, fundamental differences can be discovered which preclude closer association. 

Those who choose not to compromise in important areas of their life must be strong to avoid joining closely with those who will compromise.  Recognizing such an emotional weakness in another is a warning sign that, under stress, that same person may be unfaithful to you in matters you have chosen to trust with them.
Love, like trust, (the two being inseparable actually) takes time.  Time reveals truth.  To jump into believing physical attraction, chemistry, and emotional comfort is “love” is dangerous.

The same applies to joining with organizations who state the cause you may believe in, but whose actions contradict it.  They may think compromise will achieve a desired outcome, but it will fail. 

Likewise,  jumping into believing some politico or candidate is libertarian because of some wonderfully expressed words you agree with is misguided and dangerous. 

Recently I’ve been in receipt of a number of inquiries asking my opinion of various people in the political spotlight who suddenly are voicing libertarian sounding words.  Without exception, each of the people I was asked about, were conservatives yet far from the core values of libertarianism.  Conservatives have long seen value in using the terminology of libertarian ideas and references to our founders and the U.S. Constitution and words such as freedom and liberty. This is nothing new, only particularly prevalent now since it taps into the current prevalent distrust of government. 

Conservatives are doing what serves them well: Saying the right words, while continuing to support anti-freedom legislation, laws and policies both domestically and abroad. Using libertarian terminology doesn’t make them libertarian, and neither does self-identifying with the libertarian label. 

To begin to think they are libertarian or enough so to warrant your support, without tangible proof and public reversal of previous anti-liberty positions on fundamental issues, is to compromise one’s own values in exchange for having some popular candidate or celebrity politico to identify with.  Every individual I was questioned about failed, in my view, even when considering just one issue - that of military interventionism, conquest, and empire building.  Their “fine” words about liberty and freedom mean nothing when they have no respect for the freedom of other sovereign nations nor respect for the principles upon which this nation was founded.

Fear of not having something one wants leads people to compromise.

Even good people, intelligent, ethical, high achievers, who are otherwise wise and with a well developed sense of right and wrong, can be tempted to compromise the values they hold due to a fear of not having or gaining something they desire.  They may rationalize it for awhile, but nonetheless behavior which dishonors the values deep within the heart, will have negative consequences in the long run. 

Fear of not achieving a political goal, for example, does not mean one should water it down to something “acceptable” to others who simply wish to achieve their political agenda with your support.  If you believe something should be abolished (as in unjust government programs), you shouldn’t settle for debating its reform.  You must devote the time to working toward achieving freedom not simply making tyranny more palatable.  Neither does one of principle settle for supporting one of the ‘lesser of two evils.’  And certainly, one’s political decisions and positions shouldn’t be governed by any power, gain, or advantage they might receive - yet this is how many choose what they support. Fear of having no candidate to support in a particular election, or fear that a good uncompromising liberty candidate can’t be elected, leads people to compromise and thereby become part of maintaining the problems. 

Likewise, when it comes to personal romantic relationships, one must never allow temporary gain (companionship, pleasure, etc.) to become more important than the deepest desires emanating from the core character values of honor, ethics, morality, and self-respect.  Yet, many who because of fear of being alone or perhaps fear of never being married, sadly settle for relationships with those of far less character, spiritual consciousness, and intellectual and emotional development than they.  Rather than adhere to their principles and beliefs about what constitutes a good, beautiful, fulfilling, wholesome loving relationship, they compromise in order to have something such as it is (losing faith that what is in their best good will come in time).  Some enter into such relationships because they want to have a home, a family, others look to the security a mate can provide, while others seek to have the natural desire for companionship fulfilled.  But none of those reasons justify compromise of one’s heart values.

Even in friendship, fear leads people to compromise.  Failing to express what is truthful (even if might result in disappointment in the other), often delaying or not saying at all things which should be frankly shared sooner rather than later, and avoidance of saying just what one feels or does not feel doesn’t build a friendship.  Once fear thoughts wedge into a friendship, honesty and openness end…artificial barriers are made, and the peace and happiness which otherwise could be shared if truth were honored and respected by all is not present.  One must be willing to risk loss of a relationship entirely by always adhering to truth and sharing honestly in order to gain and cultivate true friendships.  Kindness and tact have their place, but not at the expense of the truth.  True honest communication should never be compromised; if the recipient is incapable of receiving and appreciating it - so be it…there are those who will accept it, appreciate it, and cherish the blessing of the friendship offered. 

As a single woman, I’ve often met men who have tried unsuccessfully to impress me with what their money can buy, offering a lifestyle they think is conducive to achieving my favor, as if wealth would gain my affection.  And, I’ve had those who in the guise of altruism, attempt to enter my life for a stated political purpose (for example), but within weeks or months their true colors would show in terms of what they were really after.  Same with men who feigned the same religious beliefs, which within a short time it became so apparent they did not believe, even to the point of their ridicule of beliefs I do wholeheartedly accept.  And, as a previous political candidate, there were those who came offering substantial sums of monetary contributions if I would reverse myself on a stated issue. 

In their frustration in failing to obtain their agenda (whether it was personal or political) with me, some simply accepted it, while others, in their immaturity, became vindictive through slander and other means, with some even becoming vindictive toward others in the same cause simply because they knew they were in some way associated with me.

It is interesting to watch such people try repeatedly to get what they want, as they are so sure of (because of their previous successes) what their money, power, influence or personal traits can achieve.  With much confidence in their ability to manipulate outcomes, they ignore the very clear statement of principles I shared early on in their association with me (be it personal, spiritual, religious, ethical or political), and rather continue in their vain attempts.  I have laughed within that anyone would think such pathetic offers could cause me to compromise my principles - whether personally or politically.

I am only impressed by those who endeavor to live their lives in truth.  Mistakes, because we are human beings can be made, but at the core, a resolve to never compromise their beliefs and to correct mistakes when made, must be present.  Those of such integrity, rare as they are, inspire me.

Worthy goals, for yourself, as well as worthy goals for society, will never be achieved by compromise of your principles.  To join with anyone or any organization operating with a far different level of consciousness, understanding, and maturity than yourself is headed for heartache, strife, and pain. 

Looking to take or get anything else from another is a false premise to build a relationship upon. Often such compromise is achieved by lying to oneself, as if they are being altruistic and compassionate, when in actuality they are settling for something that is less than they desire and believe to be right.  Oftentimes, two people who both choose compromise come together to form relationships which are essentially based on a quid pro quo arrangement.  They call it “love,” though it is far from it.

Relationship, to be true, must be based on joyfully sharing because this other person is one whom you wish to be a part of helping them fulfill themselves and experience happiness.  It is based on shared fundamental important values.  Then all else becomes meaningful.

Without the courage found in a strong spiritual faith and trust, one’s mind begins to tell them that by accepting a certain compromise, one will gain or maintain whatever it is they desire - be it a relationship, money, prestige, career advancement, a political goal, etc.  Once compromise is allowed to enter, much behavior one would have otherwise rejected as wrong, becomes possible.

I live my life in faith.  If I’m asked my opinion of a topic or issue, I don’t evaluate whether to say something is “acceptable,” or whether it will gain approval, because doing so would compromise what I believe.  I believe speaking and working for the truth makes a tremendous difference, even if I cannot see it at the time. 

Similarly, if I find myself with an opportunity for a personal relationship with one who now (or recently) compromises important character values (whether seeking to do so with me or if I see that behavior recently with another), I reject it regardless of how attractive other aspects are.  If the other is capable and willing, I offer my friendship with a clear frank expression of its parameters. 

It is a mistake to think about having a close relationship with one whose beliefs and character in life is fundamentally different, for as the Bible, 2 Corinthians 6:14, says “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?”  (KJV)

The yearning to join with another is natural to us.  But for true joy, it must a union between individuals of like character, morality, and beliefs. 

And, the yearning to join with others in common causes is also natural. 

But worthy goals, personally and politically, will only be achieved by the union of like-minded individuals who will not compromise their core principles.  There can be no union between an individual choosing “light,” as Corinthians says, with another individual or organization that chooses “darkness.” 

Identify your most important core values and principles upon which you have chosen to base your life.  Whenever an important life decision is to be made, evaluate and ponder each of those core values and principles as you consider what you will do.  Do not allow a want that is lesser than your fundamental principles to get your priorities out of order. 

Settling for less will not bring joy or fulfillment. 

Be strong.  Keep your faith and maintain your courage.  Good things you deeply desire do not come through shortcuts in which conscience is ignored (even if ever so briefly).  Good things manifest through a life of uncompromising principle, trusting that God will provide what you need.