Christine Smith's Blog

Mass, fellowship, learning

Joining the Church, attending Catholic Mass, receiving the gift of the Eucharist, has been a deeply significant spiritual experience for me. I have wanted to share reflections of my first Mass in writing:

Mass itself was especially meaningful to me, and the message given by the priest was the message I needed to hear after all these years. I have more to learn for Mass, but felt most comfortable and joyous. The points made about the significance of the Eucharist and our connection to all humanity and all which lives was beautiful. The message opened my understanding considerably to this mystical union. I will always remember it for being such a special spiritual message, and also it being my first Mass.

The reverence and the joy of my parish community is meaningful to me. Unlike any other church I previously visited in years past, the parishioners and the priests (presiding over Mass) were reverent in all they did and said. What we sang, our worship, our prayer, and our partaking of the Eucharist together was experienced with reverence and devotion.

I ponder the revelation (as several others have referred to it) I have experienced. I believe it took surrender (from my mind) thereby opening my heart to receive this grace and understanding. To believe, as I do, isn’t something I would have thought likely…I was trusting my mind more than fully and solely my heart. When I first again prayed several months ago, I felt our Blessed Mother’s presence. It was an experience unlike any other in my life. From that point on, I sought and found. Mary, to me is both intercessor and confidante, a loving mother, a true and faithful servant of God, obedient and humble. Certainly the highest example of a human being’s love of and worship of God, her devoutness, chastity, her holiness reached me. She was there when I called out, and she remains there. God revealed his Truth to me, his grace, bringing me to his Son, through Mary. This rapport, communication, awareness I’ve been told often comes later for those who become Catholics or return to Catholicism, but for me it came first. It was through Mary I was reached, and then everything else (in terms of my understanding and then my wanting to become part of a parish community) fell into place.

Those who know me personally, or even if only through my writings, realize I am a solitary individual. I appreciate being around others, sharing what I can, and learning, but do not need it to be whole and content. I’ve never sought out activities with groups of people. I’ve on occasion participated in social activities, but it’s never been important to me, and up until now never something I sought to do. As for learning, it’s primarily been a personal contemplative path of study, away from others, and with books (and occasional conversation/discussion with very few others). It has been the rare individual I’ve met in life whom I felt better/inspired/strengthened by speaking with. And those few I cherish.

So, never before, have I purposefully wanted to join in social activities with a group, and, of course, as I shared, never before have I joined a church. This is new for me. But what I have learned, too, is this: For there to be a “community” in the spiritual and true sense of the word, requires those who have that little willingness to be used as a vessel of the Holy Spirit, those who realize we are all simultaneously both teachers and learners, to join with others of like spirit to celebrate together, to worship together, to strengthen one another. Without this coming together, there is no community. The Church is the instrument of continuing God’s work here on Earth. As we receive the Eucharist, we are one with God in our commitment to serving His will and receive Him, but we are also one with the others whom we share this sacrament. This oneness makes us a real community, uniting with Christ, and stronger against sin. (“Sin” and “original sin” as defined by Protestant teaching was one of the reasons I previously rejected religion. However, as I have learned in the Catechism and in my readings of Catholic theology, is something I now understand and realize is so- I may write more upon this another time…it, in fact, is the weakness or darkness which kept me seeing until now, the part of my mind which made me so adamently react against prayer, my ego.) Now, I am drawn to the Church. For me, these past few months, and just these past few weeks, continue to amaze me.

Our parish is also quite joyful! At the annual church picnic, there was festive music and fellowship. Good food and good entertainment made a perfect opportunity to visit with so many. And, now, today I have received a letter inviting me to join in some other upcoming fellowship activities at my parish. Such fellowship is new to me. I realize fellowship strengthens us all.

I am also very pleased and grateful for the opportunity I have had to speak with the three priests here. Our parish priest had the longest conversation with me (which was very meaningful and encouraging), and I have met two others (one involved in ministries I am interested in helping) and one who has returned here for a time who delivered the message I spoke of above. The wonderful thing is that in talking to such knowledgeable priests I am strengthened. It is so good to be able to share my own experiences, my own thoughts and feelings, and then listen to one who immediately understands and can strengthen me with their words of wisdom. When they speak of our Blessed Mother, they speak in the same way I feel about her, and it is inspiring, uplifting, and strengthening to my own understanding and devotion to hear another who has experienced this deep rapport as well.

I end this entry sharing prose, brief yet powerful, which was found in St. Theresa’s (Saint Teresa of Avila) prayer book after her death:

“Nada te turbe,
nada te espante;
todo se pasa,
Dios no se muda.
La pacientia todo lo alcanza.
Quien a Dios tiene nada la falta:
solo Dios basta.”

in English:

“Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.”

I am blessed…grateful…joyous…and learning.