Christine Smith's Blog

Catholicism

I have always shared who I am (my personal beliefs- spiritual and political) throughout the years on my website/blog writings; I now share the joyous finding of my Catholic faith.

A number of years ago I rejected religion (though not my spiritual seeking) from my life and described my reasons in an essay.

But all of those reasons or objections have now been resolved in my discovery of my Catholicism.  I was christened/baptized Catholic as a baby (for which I am grateful and recently told my father so), and though on certain occasions as a child I was in the Church, it was only rarely.  (Frankly, looking back on my fond childhood memories of being in the Catholic Church with my father, lighting a candle and praying, I think my awe, reverence, belief and gratefulness then is identical to my openness with which I am receptive to the teachings, the blessings and the grace I now am (again) aware of.)  All my life, each time I have entered a Catholic Church, I felt I was entering a sacred place, a holy place, I never felt that feeling in any other man made place of worship. I have always felt drawn to the Catholic Church no matter where I was throughout my life.  I feel this awareness has been just under the surface, and as a lady at my local parish told me yesterday, Jesus was always there, my Catholicism (the Catholic Church) was always there, waiting for me… and that my feelings and awakening as I described it to her was happening at the right time and that everything in my life had brought me to this point.  I was so happy to be welcomed so warmly.  I keep using the word “my” in this blog post…and objectively as I type this, I find my use of the word “my” very interesting.  My Catholic faith, my Catholicism, my parish, and yet all of this is new to me…but it is as if it always has been.  I am joyous.

I’ve always sought to know, grow, and be in the Truth.  That seeking (and questioning of myself) has led me to be an avid reader of spiritual matters for years.  Without going into great detail here, suffice to say I regard my previous rejection of religion as foremost a rejection of certain Protestant teachings and emphasis (and lack of emphasis in other areas) which did not resonate/coincide with my conscience, negative experiences with Christian hypocrites (which as a friend pointed out to me, it is irrational to reject a belief simply because those claiming to also believe it do not practice it), and hardship and struggle in my life which made me feel much despair and discouragement. I now see that it was my mind trying to comprehend and understand, rather than my heart,  rather than my spirit, in essence rather than faith.  But I will not dwell on the past, for it is behind me.  The past does not exist.  What matters is this moment, and my life decisions from now on.  I am 41 years old, and this is for me the most significant decision I have made (since I suppose I could say that decision to reject religion) and this decision for my life of devoutness, worship, repentance and acceptance of love and reconciliation, fills me with joy.  I believe I’ve always been on the right path, my heart has been seeking, and now I have realized something that was always there – though it took some life experiences to come to it, embrace it, experience it.

Now, I am filled with happiness, amazement, and gratitude.  I feel full of wonder.  This comes after my decision to study of Catholic theology and the lives of the saints. My study of Catholicism over the past several months has been enlightening!  I became deeply interested in learning more of the saints, and through learning of their courageous inspiring lives, I became intrigued with learning much more of the faith they so devoutly committed their lives to and to prayer.  So much I did not know but thought I knew; what I have learned and experienced has enhanced my spiritual understanding and recognition of teachings, practices, and my moral beliefs. I look forward to Mass, the Sacrament of the Eucharist (Holy Communion again) and adherence/practice/respect of all Sacraments  (which I discussed with my parish).  And to help continue my understanding, I am happy to be enrolled in Catholic Study.  Prayer, in a way I’ve never experienced before is one of the most important experiences that has brought me here (including Marian prayer which has been most blessed in my life-a communication with our Holy Mother (Christ’s mother and ours) has been life-changing and wondrous – intercessory prayer is real, valid, and through Mary solace has been given me), is a part of my daily life.

The sacred, the mysterious, the grace of supernatural revelation, has brought me a peace I’ve never had.  I want my works, the process of my learning and growing in faith, to be strong and reflect His love.  As I reflect on my experiences, all of which were a part of bringing me to this beautiful happy point, I must say life is mysterious and wondrous.  I needed to share this here (I’ve shared my experience of my Catholic faith/practice of Catholic prayer with my father, and only a few others so far), as it is who I am, and reflected in every area of my life.  (To even begin to speak aloud about how significant prayer/what I have experienced/learned in the past several months, brings forth deep emotion in me.)  I am joyous.   I am blessed.  I am happy.